Monthly Archives: February 2017

Energy Conservation vs. Energy Cultivation

Lately, I strained my back yet again and had to embrace stillness. Whenever I hurt myself and become temporarily somewhat disabled, I encounter fear of isolation because I then struggle to take care of the basics of life, wishing there was someone to take care of me. Under normal circumstances, I am comfortable with my solitude but in these situations, it becomes frightening.

This fear of being alone is a very old one and whether I am surrounded by people or in solitude, it can overwhelm me. I think it is a human characteristic to feel separate and the very first trauma we all go through when we leave the womb at birth. But the truth is that we are all connected not only to Source but to each other and to all of Life as well. We are separate yet connected. That is the paradox we must learn to live with and this fear of separation and aloneness is one which I am releasing now. For I know that I am completely connected to everyone and everything. I am at one with all that is.

cup-in-iceEven though I feel within me this desire for connection,  at the same time there is a resistance to it too. The part of me which resists connection relishes the solitude, the freedom from responsibility, having an easy excuse to say “no,” the spaciousness of having time to do what I want. I even feel a strong desire to withhold my gifts, my talents and abilities and feel resentful when I am called upon to assist others. Chronic illness takes a lot of energy to manage and there is just not enough energy to give to others particularly on those challenging days.

But it is a dance between giving and holding back; balancing energy cultivation with energy conservation. I am learning that each is equal to the other and that there is no shame or guilt in holding back. I have valued giving over with-holding because that is what I was taught and it is also what people expect. I feel pressured when asked to help and yet there is no real pressure because I am a free human being and I can always say no, for no reason in particular. Moreover, holding back allows space for receiving. A person who gives and gives all the time rarely leaves any opening to receive from others. The best is to have a balance between giving and receiving and I see my with-holding as a way to give my body time to rest and recuperate and also as a way to open myself to receive. Ideally, I could know simply through intuition when and how much to hold back rather than having it imposed upon me by the pain.

cup-in-waterGiving takes many forms and who is to say that in cocooning and practicing self-care, we are not sending out vibrations of love….. we are loving ourselves in those moments and that love must radiate out and reach others too. I’m sure of it.


From Powerless to Powerful

Part of feeling like a victim when dealing with chronic illness and pain is the overwhelming sense of powerlessness that sucks the energy out of the body even more than any fatigue related to pain. When I feel tired, heavy from lack of energy and also  limited in my movement because of the pain, it takes its toll over the long term and I feel frustrated by the powerlessness to change my situation. And yet I know that I am powerful and that I have the ability to create what I want in my life. The proof is that I have created many wonderful things throughout my life so far. How can I regain confidence in my ability to be a powerful creator of my life?

I have been contemplating this question and have come up with some answers which I have put into practice. I hope to use them whenever this powerlessness comes up as it does now and again.img_blurry-dark


The first thing I think of is my posture. Through meditation and Qi Gong practices, I have realized that straightening and lengthening my spine helps tremendously in giving me a sense of confidence in myself. Whenever I am standing anywhere such as waiting in line at the grocery store or cooking at my kitchen counter, I try to remember to pull up on the crown of my head so that space increases between my vertebrae, then I lift up my clavicle so that my solar plexus expands. Spontaneously, I breathe deeper and wider, which relaxes my muscles and gives me a sense of being larger and stronger.


When I start feeling the powerless “poor me” victim surfacing, I take 3 deep breaths to release any negative feelings or thoughts, and allow the breath to take me to a different vibration where I am in touch with the powerful part of me. The posture with the breaths realigns me physically and emotionally to my vision of vibrant health. Breath is also our connection to the Divine; in breathing consciously we create the space and opening needed for divine inspiration to come in and nourish our spirit, guiding us to effective action.

Power Statements

I use power statements that I have previously written down and practiced so as to remember them when situations come up where they are needed on the spot. With these affirmations, I remember what my vision is. I remember what I truly want which is vibrant health. I see the parts of me that are already vibrant health….. my hearing is perfect, my feet and legs are wonderfully strong so that I can walk, my fingers and hands work really well and I can type and play the piano and do all kinds of intricate things with them.

The most powerful power statement I have is a very simple one: I am Love, I am Love, there is only Love. Love is the most powerful transformative energy there is. Often, when I am feeling down, in repeating this statement, whatever is not love will eventually release. Any powerlessness, victimhood, or frustration will give way to acceptance and peace will follow.

These power statements also bring me into a state of gratitude for all that I do have already in my body which is functional, and all the aspects of my life which are wonderful; my home, my community, my family, etc. The most difficult aspect of regaining power is to gain control over the negative thoughts which spiral us down into feeling like a victim and powerless. I find that using the body, the breath, and positive power statements do help in finding again that place within which is stronger than the negative thoughts and emotions, stronger than the superficial “poor me.” A place of deep knowing that I, as Love, am more powerful than I could ever imagine possible.

I am a powerful joyous impeccable creator of my life and of the world I want to live in.

Everything always works out effortlessly for me.

I transform breakdowns into breakthroughs in the blink of an eye.

Life takes care of everything for me for my highest good.

I have everything I need exactly when I need it.

Everything is happening perfectly according to Divine Plan and Divine Timing.


A Time of Transition

There is much change going on in the world right now, politically, socially, environmentally, spiritually.  And as we enter into the Chinese New Year of the Fire Rooster there is an adjustment period while we transition into a different energy. I sense great optimism for our world in spite of recent events that may seem difficult to accept. As the shadow side of society pierces through the basic goodness of humankind, so my own shadow emerges and I am forced to take a deep contemplative look at how I reject it and am afraid of it.

icy-branchThis contemplation leads me to make some changes in order for my life mission to unfold.  I have made the conscious decision to release the old paradigms operating in my life so far, those that are the most destructive; that is, the unworthiness, the shame, the guilt, and the sense of being a victim. I bring in a new energy of joy, enthusiasm, and exuberance. Previously, whenever I would feel joyful and exuberant because of some accomplishment or simply a lessening of pain, I would inevitably sabotage my success with a strong contraction into more pain, more suffering, as if my shadow were telling me that I am not deserving or worthy of feeling happy and healthy. The joy was fleeting and short-lived. So now I am bringing in a sustained and contained quality of joy that can last and radiate and not only feed me and my creativity but also nourish those around me.

icy-catkinsSomething within me that I am confident can help me sustain the joy is what I have cultivated for a long time now; courage and commitment. I have been on the healing path for over 20 years and have never given up my strong intention to be healthy, comfortable in my body, happy with my life. I am always willing to try something new, whatever comes up for me that might help. I don’t give up. I have a strong commitment to my inner growth and success.

Inside myself, I know that the change I am looking for means that I am completely worthy of health, happiness, and love. I, like everyone else, am worthy of the best that life has to offer. I can sustain and contain my joy so that I don’t sabotage myself and lose it immediately after an expansion. I have what it takes to manifest my vision of health and joy. I am worthy and deserving just for being who I am right now.

The energy that I am radiating with this change in place is vibrant health and joy. I wish to spread joy, peace, love, and harmony to all those around me. From within the new worthy me, joy vibrates and radiates and spreads all over the world. And when I come home to myself, to my beautiful vibrant body, I know that I am safe, I am loved, all is well. I am divine perfection and everything is happening according to divine plan. I trust Life. I trust my body. I trust my soul.


To put this inner change into place, I am practicing a Qi Gong exercise called “Transition” which is being taught by Vicki Dello Joio in the Way of Joy Community (

Intention followed by action creates change. When energy is made to shift, positive healthy change follows. I am confident that with these actions along with positive thought patterns, my being is transforming and expanding. Already, I feel joy and confidence as I write these words. Life is unfolding perfectly for me. All is well.