Now and then I get one of those extremely challenging days when I just want to throw in the towel at life. I feel discouraged, angry, hopeless, trapped, and confused. My mind is spinning around and around going nowhere with thoughts about what I could do to feel better, and it accomplishes nothing but to skyrocket anxiety. Negativity has taken me over, spreading a dark grey cloak over my entire life. The only thing left for me to do, when at the end of my rope, is to surrender it over to Spirit and to my guides. I can do no more and I let go completely.
Whenever a thought or feeling would arise throughout the day, I would just say “no thought.” I wanted no negative thoughts to turn me into a puddle of mush because I have cried so much that I am spent. I cannot release any more emotion. It is too draining to even think about it. So, “no thought.” Nothing. No thing. Nada. Emptiness. I tune into the outer world rather than examine and try to soothe my inner world. I listen to the wood frogs croaking their mating song. I feel the sun on my skin. The moist cool earth beneath my feet. I stay still. My mind wants to race and find fault with everything I feel inside or find a solution or plan my next meal. No. No thought.
World, you deal with it. Life, you find my way out of this daily struggle.
(It’s amazing how feeling the anger towards my own mind for putting me in this frenzied state and surrendering even that gives me a sense of power. Not far beyond that, I feel hope wafting in and dare I even say, away over the horizon….. possibility?)