Rest the Mind, Rest the Heart, Rest the Spirit
In the Essential Goodness of Being
And Feel It Passing through
I have been contemplating this beautiful mantra during my meditations lately and am sensing more and more detachment from my body/ego self. I am not this body in pain, I am not the suffering it endures. I am much more than that; I see an image of something light and pure passing through me and out into the world. I am here simply to allow the light to pass through me, and to care for this vessel that has been given to me in this lifetime so that Spirit can flow through unimpeded. The vessel is cracked and broken in places, it is not so young and carries many old stories, it has been through countless battles, and it is still here, in my loving care.
So what do I do with it? How do I allow it all through without resistance?……. the pain, the emotions, the feelings and sensations?
I know I need to love it all and let it go through me but that is not so easy to do especially in the moment I feel the pain escalating. Everything about it assaults me and I get lost in the mire. It seems to me that this question of how to love my shadow keeps coming back again and again. It’s easy enough just to say “love the anger, love the pain, embrace it, etc…” but what is the actual action one takes to do that? How is that possible when you don’t actually feel loving towards those parts of yourself and when the heart seems closed?
I have been practicing “mirror work” as demonstrated by Robert Holden and Louise Hay (http://www.robertholden.org/blog/what-is-mirror-work/), where I look deep into my eyes in the mirror and repeat the words: “Anna, I love you. I love you very much.” To some extent, this practice has helped me love myself and my undesirable qualities and I do find I am more gentle with myself and more accepting. But I need something in the moment, an action, that would bring those words home deeply when I am in my worst moments. Tara Brach (http://www.tarabrach.com/) has a suggestion I like very much; she puts her hand on her heart in that difficult moment, and just aknowledges to herself that it is a difficult moment, that this is hard; it is like holding a hurt child against your heart to comfort him/her.
In the past, I would simply come back to my body in the difficult moments, holding my sorrow and pain somatically as opposed to staying in my head and in the story. But then I was in the pain body and the experience was difficult; it was too easy to succumb to the child’s emotions and get lost in my misery. I eventually learned to connect with my Power Self instead (or Higher Self, or Spirit Self), where I can feel confident and strong, able to contain the emotions without getting lost in them.
There are so many techniques one can use to create that connection but I am focusing on the Stillpoint method I discussed previously (see Resources) and another technique which my dear friend Beth Ann Fischberg showed me (http://www.yourmagneticpresence.com/). I focus on a point of light in the centre of my head, then on a point of light in the centre of my heart, then on a point of light in the centre of my lower belly, then on all three lights at once; immediately, I feel my spine straightening, my body aligning, and I am present with myself, with my power. These techniques get me out of the story with all its emotional charge, and into a space of neutrality where I am open to Spirit flowing through, allowing for a better outcome than I could predict or expect through my ego. The more I practice, the easier it gets and hopefully, in tough times, it will be a reflex to go there and release any resistance to what is.