Relationship with Breath

When dealing with chronic pain or other health issues, one never knows whether tomorrow will be a good day or a difficult day and that makes planning for events quite challenging. I end up cancelling often and feel frustrated in not being able to accomplish what would feel good and/or fulfilling. So how do you find fulfillment when you can’t commit, can’t work, can’t really give much energy at all? 

I received a revelation in listening to Matt Kahn, who said that the only thing that will truly fulfill you is your very own breath. When I heard this, I immediately dropped expectations of finding fulfillment the way I used to do (as in sharing myself with others, sharing my music, or even writing this blog), and focused on developing a deeper relationship with my breath. It came as quite a surprise to me, a totally new concept, that fulfillment cannot come from outside myself but rather from something I do easily, all the time, and comes from within my own body. 

Breath is inspiration, it is life; it is something we do completely unconsciously all the time and without it, we die. Of course, meditation is a great way to connect with the breath but I wanted to be more present to it throughout the day as well as during my morning meditation. I started by incorporating the heart math practice of breathing into the heart at the rate of 6 breaths per minute for 5 minutes at a time, 3 times a day. This particular practice has many proven health benefits which include reduction in stress, anxiety, and fatigue, as well as increase in resilience, and emotional balance. it is very calming and I have found that practicing this technique helped me remember to connect with breath and with heart at different times of the day. (You can visit heartmath.org for more information about the Heart Math Institute). It is also a good technique to use when stressful situations crop up; just to breathe at that rate for even one minute calms the mind and restores resilience and ability to respond appropriately.

Another practice I have adopted is Afghan Walking, which is a way of walking that coordinates the breath with one’s steps. Breathing in for 3 steps through the nose, one breath pause, breathing out for 3 steps through the mouth, one breath pause. I vary the number of steps depending on how fast I walk or what the terrain looks like. It is for me, a form of play with my breath while walking. A very grounding exercise that keeps me in the moment and open to receiving what the universe has to offer as I feel more present with both myself and the world around me. The gaze is kept open and out to the horizon rather than on the road directly in front of the feet. 

In addition, now and then, whenever I remember, I will breathe in consciously a few breaths, with the words: “As is” (inspiration), “I’m here” (expiration) which reminds me to come back to the here and now, which is where all our power lies and where we are able to receive intuitive messages. It also releases tension, relaxing my muscles. 

I love feeling closer to my breath, to my heart, to what renews and nourishes my body. 

These methods of playing with the breath have helped me become more conscious of breathing but I also want to feel the breath as it is, without controlling or influencing it so I will lie down and tune into my breath just feeling where it comes in, what parts of my body move, how it leaves my body, etc. I can direct the breath to the parts of my body that need love and care, or I can allow the breath to bring up what needs care in that moment. Just tuning into the breath often releases an emotion and has me focusing on a part of my body that may need a release of tension. It happens spontaneously and naturally and in this way, the breath is the connector to my body and it becomes the healer.

Breath is the healer. Breath is our connection to the Divine. Breath is Life.

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Relationship with Life

There was a brief period in my life when I worked as a Salmon Biologist and I loved to watch the salmon fighting the current, leaping over the falls, making their way upstream to lay their eggs. I have often felt like a salmon with respect to Life, as if I am constantly struggling against the current, trying to change my circumstances and yet, unlike the salmon,  always failing, not actually getting anywhere. 

My relationship with Life was not a good one; I was trying to control it, trying to change it, trying to improve it, and not trusting it. That is not the kind of relationship I would want with a partner and it is no longer the relationship I want with Life. I have, over the years, developed a different kind of relationship which has grown and matured slowly but steadily into one where I feel that I trust more and control less. 

My intention now is to flow with Life; to allow myself to drift like the salmon drifting downstream after it has accomplished its task and goes back to sea (at least as the Atlantic Salmon do because the Pacific ones die after spawning). For really, my task is done. I have suffered enough, I have planted the seeds of health and well-being and it is time to reap what I have sown, to get back to the sea of joy and happiness. Flowing and trusting Life means that I allow the pain to be there, I allow my body to do what it needs to do, I allow all my feelings/emotions to flow, and I trust that even if I don’t know what it all means or why it is happening, that whatever is, is what needs to be and not only that, but is what is best for me and for the whole planet. Wanting things to be different comes from a place of lack and I choose to believe that I have everything I need and more and that if I don’t have what I want, it’s because I don’t need it, at least for the moment. Wanting blocks receiving. Receiving with gratitude engenders more receiving. 

I now choose to have a harmonious joyful loving relationship with Life. When things don’t go my way, I stop, breathe, let the feelings flow, and remember that Life has my back, that it is all happening for a very good reason, for my highest good. Letting go of constant control feels very freeing and it allows new energy to enter into my life; I am often pleasantly surprised by events that are unexpected and fun. Life has a way of delighting me now that I have allowed it to be itself. I open myself by literally saying Yes, and Thank You when Life presents me with something unwanted and uncomfortable (or at least, I practice that to the best of my ability). Certainly, anger does come up and that is when Life gives me the opportunity to clear more negativity from my system which is in itself very freeing and healing. What comes up is always a gift if only to release the negativity in me which makes way for joy and bliss.

In the words of Mary O’Maley (in “What’s in the Way is The Way), “To awaken, it is important to know that there is no such thing as an ordinary moment. There are only two kinds of moments: Life is either inviting you to be fully open to Life right here, right now, or it is putting you in the situations that are needed to bring up what has been bound up inside of you so it can open up and be free.”

A significant shift came about when I started a very simple practice of appreciation. Every so often throughout the day, I look up at the sky (or at the ceiling), and say thank you to my guides and angels for showering upon me their love, their joy, their support, their inspiration, their guidance, their healing energy. It feels to me like opening a small faucet of gratitude and receiving a deluge of blessings. We all have an amazing number of celestial beings looking down at us with love and compassion, just waiting for us to open the conduit so that we can receive their help. More and more keeps coming and so I feel more and more gratitude. It increases exponentially day by day. 

 

Thank you Life for bringing me flowers even if sometimes it takes a while for me to see that they are not weeds, that they are indeed very beautiful, always.

How to ask questions from the Soul Level

I learned from spiritual teacher Matt Kahn the importance of asking questions in a way that is more aligned with our soul than with ego. For instance, if the ego wants to know, “what is my life purpose,” or “how do I heal my body,” or “how do I resolve this conflict” these questions are coming from a place of lack where I don’t believe I have what I need and do not know the answer. Whereas in fact, the answer is always readily available from a higher perspective (asking Spirit Guides or Source).

All answers and solutions are actually available in the here and now because time, from the soul’s perspective, is not linear. The past, present, and future all exist in this moment. This concept is not one easily understood by the conceptual mind but an analogy that is helpful is that when we are watching a movie, at the beginning, we do not know the ending, however, the ending has already been filmed and therefore, has already happened. In this moment at the beginning, the middle and end of the movie are present but simply unknown to us. Similarly, the present moment contains in it the past and the future. This is why The Council (from saralandon.com) are always telling us that “you are everything you wish to be, you already are.

Given that we are already everything we wish to be, then I am already healed and whole and in a state of total well-being. So in order for me to find out how I got there, I ask this question, from my soul’s perspective:Thank you for reminding me what choices I made, what I did differently, to resolve this matter.”

It is also important to ask questions without looking for the answer. The power in the question isn’t in the answer but in the question itself. The mind will roam around looking for an answer if we let it but if we release the need to know right away, Life presents us either with direct knowledge that will come spontaneously, or with the energy and/or resolution which will happen on its own at the least expected moment and move us forward perfectly on our evolutionary path.

In the words of Mary O”Malley (from her book “What’s in the Way Is the Way”), “In some deep and profound way, the answer isn’t important. What is important is to simply ask the question, then bring your attention back to this immediate moment, allowing the question to work its magic from underneath your everyday awareness. Why is this so powerful? When you ask a question without looking for the answer, you are circumventing your mind and creating a space inside of you where the Intelligence of Life can be heard. It is guaranteed that Life will fill that space with the answer at the right time, for the energy of Life always fills a void.”

Here are some more examples of questions one can ask as suggested by Matt Kahn:

Thank you (my Spirit Guides, Source, etc) for reminding me of the life purpose I have already fulfilled.

Thank you Life, for reminding me of the healing that has already taken place.

Thank you Source, for reminding me of the Ascension that has already occurred.

Thank you Spirit, for reminding me of how aligned and grounded I already am.

 

Intentions for 2019

I intend to live this new year in gratitude, celebrating my body, following the path of joy, trusting that my Soul is orchestrating everything on my behalf, knowing that everything always works out for me.

  1. I am the Light. The Light I am.
  2. I welcome all that is within me with love and gratitude.
  3. I choose the healing evolutionary path of Joy.
  4. I choose to be in my True Power now, in this moment.
  5. I choose to love and accept myself no matter what.
  6. I let my body be and I focus on my well-being.
  7. I honour and celebrate my body, my path, and who I am.
  8. Do you feel the Power? Yes!

May 2019 be a year of Magic, Miracles, and Joy!

A New Focus: Well-Being

A while ago I decided to let go of the need for pain and actively started imagining a pain-free life; I actually felt grief as I contemplated everything good that this pain experience has brought me. I felt as if I was separating from a long-time partner that I dearly loved. It has been a 23-year relationship with pain as my partner day in day out. Honestly, strange as it may seem, the moments (sometimes hours or days) where the pain wasn’t there, I actually felt lonely. 

What happened next is that I met up with my saboteur, the part of me that is married to the pain and won’t let go. She kicked up a storm and the pain got much worse as I lost some mobility, which always frightens me. I realized that I may want to be pain-free but the pain serves an important role for me with many pay-offs and in fact, I do need the pain; it helps me set boundaries with others; it gives me clarity on what I want and don’t want; it allows me to “be” and release the need to “do” and be productive; it prevents me from taking risks, and from being lonely; it allows me to have a quiet stress-free lifestyle; it helps me evolve spiritually.   

Can I have all these benefits but without the need for pain? Part of me is scared that I’ll revert to the old me, the one who is a frantic people pleaser, the one who puts everyone else’s needs first, the one who ignores her own desires, the one who obsessively exercises and keeps busy all the time to fill a void. Can I promise the new me that I will move forward and keep evolving and transforming but this time through joy and laughter rather than through pain? Is that possible for me?

It is a decision that I am making, to move forward, not back to the old ways.  I have come too far to fall back. I have gained respect for my body and have learned to listen closely to my needs. 

These words from Matt Kahn have inspired me to change my focus:

“The reason why human beings manifest illness is to ultimately prove they are able to be absolutely happy and completely free — no matter the circumstances at hand. Illness is not a period of misfortune. It is not a sign of a low vibration or being out of alignment. It is not an indication that you are less than the glory of light that you are. 

Instead, it is an initiation of higher consciousness delivered into your reality to remove the layering of limiting beliefs that insist you cannot be all that you are until things become different. Once you are able to sense happiness and liberation, no matter the circumstances at play, you are able to be just as happy, joyful, and free beyond the perceived limitations of your experiences. 

May these words help you remember the importance of healing the body by nurturing and caring for the physical vessel as it transforms from dense matter into celestial light, while the mind is cleared of all self-defeating patterns and beliefs by giving you full access to happiness, joy, and freedom regardless of the cards you’ve been dealt. 

If you open up to the possibility that happiness, joy, and freedom are already alive within you and not the result of favorable outcomes, something deeper than the ups and downs of gains and losses awakens within your heart. 

In order for such a shift to occur, it is essential to consider, contemplate and celebrate how happy, joyful, and free you already might be. You don’t have to feel it or fake it in any way. Just consider the possibility and allow time to show you the way.” 

And so, I am making a new resolution, creating a new orientation for the next phase of my journey here on earth and that is to release the need to heal my body and to focus instead on my well-being. I have decided to look for ways to feel good inside myself no matter what sensations or emotions are inhabiting my body. My exploration continues in the field of health but it is about what well-being means in this new paradigm. My new affirmation:
I let my body be and I focus on my well-being.

In conclusion, here are wise words from one of my favorite poets, Dr. Seuss:

 

You have BRAINS in your head.

You have FEET in your shoes.

You can steer yourself 

any direction you choose!

My New Pain-free Life

Today is an auspicious day for manifesting; 11-11-11. I happened to glance at my computer’s clock at exactly 11:11am this morning and felt the power of these numbers at that synchronistic moment which was letting me know that it is time to connect to the energy and make my dreams a reality. In order to move into the next phase of my life and let go of the pain for good, I made a list of what it would be like to live pain-free. I felt into each one of the following points:

  • I am joyful to be free of pain.
  • I radiate high vibrations around me for all beings to enjoy.
  • I have more energy for my creativity.
  • It is easier to cook, shop, and do errands, and even possible to enjoy them.
  • I can choose to be more active in my community.
  • I can reconnect with physical activities that I love.
  • I can handle stressful situations better.
  • I am free to travel and do amazing fun workshops if I choose to.
  • I am at peace with myself, all parts of me.
  •  I have the energy and ability to beautify my home with de-cluttering and  creating a flower garden.

It is possible to connect into this 11-11-11 portal at other times as well so I will keep imagining my new pain-free life and feeling joyful and happy in my imagination. May we all create a new world with our imaginations, one where all beings live in joy and peace and love, healthy, happy, abundant. 

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Falling in Love with my Body

The more love I give to my body, the more peace I feel within. I have decided to let go of the need to be pain-free and focus on letting my body be. I remember this line from an ee cummings poem, “let my body be,” and it keeps going through my head these days. So I am applying it by allowing my body to be in pain, to be tense, to express what goes on in my emotional body, for that is what is happening; the emotions long withheld are surfacing as pain. 

And yet, none of these emotions are mine. They are energy patterns I picked up as an empath not knowing what to do with them at the time. Now I know that I took them on because I couldn’t stand others being angry or upset or fearful and tried to release the people around me from uncomfortable emotions because I didn’t feel good unless they felt good. 

According to Matt Kahn, our mission as empaths is to feel the uncomfortable emotions others project or bury so as to release them from humanity thereby helping our world move towards higher vibrations and ultimately, ascension. In fact, nothing we think, feel, or experience belongs to us; we have done nothing wrong in thinking negative thoughts. We merely bring them forth to be released and that is a cause for celebration. 

Seeing all my negativity in this way is a huge shift and lifts the burden I have carried around never feeling I was good enough. How do you accept pain? How do you not hate feeling pain or frustration? You don’t. You allow whatever experience is there knowing that by feeling it, you are clearing it for the good of all. 

So I now walk around saying “I love you” over and over to whatever arises; pain, anger, judging, doubting. Whatever voice I hear in my head, I love the part of me that is expressing itself. Unconditionally. Even if I don’t feel the love. I say it and I love the part of me that can’t feel it. And so I find myself loving the trees, loving my feet as I put on my socks (and loving my socks), loving the people I come across on my walks. There is more and more love all around. My heart is expanding. I am falling in love with the whole wide world.