My New Pain-free Life

Today is an auspicious day for manifesting; 11-11-11. I happened to glance at my computer’s clock at exactly 11:11am this morning and felt the power of these numbers at that synchronistic moment which was letting me know that it is time to connect to the energy and make my dreams a reality. In order to move into the next phase of my life and let go of the pain for good, I made a list of what it would be like to live pain-free. I felt into each one of the following points:

  • I am joyful to be free of pain.
  • I radiate high vibrations around me for all beings to enjoy.
  • I have more energy for my creativity.
  • It is easier to cook, shop, and do errands, and even possible to enjoy them.
  • I can choose to be more active in my community.
  • I can reconnect with physical activities that I love.
  • I can handle stressful situations better.
  • I am free to travel and do amazing fun workshops if I choose to.
  • I am at peace with myself, all parts of me.
  •  I have the energy and ability to beautify my home with de-cluttering and  creating a flower garden.

It is possible to connect into this 11-11-11 portal at other times as well so I will keep imagining my new pain-free life and feeling joyful and happy in my imagination. May we all create a new world with our imaginations, one where all beings live in joy and peace and love, healthy, happy, abundant. 

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Falling in Love with my Body

The more love I give to my body, the more peace I feel within. I have decided to let go of the need to be pain-free and focus on letting my body be. I remember this line from an ee cummings poem, “let my body be,” and it keeps going through my head these days. So I am applying it by allowing my body to be in pain, to be tense, to express what goes on in my emotional body, for that is what is happening; the emotions long withheld are surfacing as pain. 

And yet, none of these emotions are mine. They are energy patterns I picked up as an empath not knowing what to do with them at the time. Now I know that I took them on because I couldn’t stand others being angry or upset or fearful and tried to release the people around me from uncomfortable emotions because I didn’t feel good unless they felt good. 

According to Matt Kahn, our mission as empaths is to feel the uncomfortable emotions others project or bury so as to release them from humanity thereby helping our world move towards higher vibrations and ultimately, ascension. In fact, nothing we think, feel, or experience belongs to us; we have done nothing wrong in thinking negative thoughts. We merely bring them forth to be released and that is a cause for celebration. 

Seeing all my negativity in this way is a huge shift and lifts the burden I have carried around never feeling I was good enough. How do you accept pain? How do you not hate feeling pain or frustration? You don’t. You allow whatever experience is there knowing that by feeling it, you are clearing it for the good of all. 

So I now walk around saying “I love you” over and over to whatever arises; pain, anger, judging, doubting. Whatever voice I hear in my head, I love the part of me that is expressing itself. Unconditionally. Even if I don’t feel the love. I say it and I love the part of me that can’t feel it. And so I find myself loving the trees, loving my feet as I put on my socks (and loving my socks), loving the people I come across on my walks. There is more and more love all around. My heart is expanding. I am falling in love with the whole wide world.

Haibun

 

Stabbing pain in my back

Setting down the folding chair

I feel everyone’s gaze

A dozen people are sitting on stools around a large counter, learning how to use beeswax to make candles, creams, and soap. There is laughter, there are pots of boiling water and melting wax, smells of lavender and rose, a sense of chaos and companionship. We are placing wicks delicately into tiny glass jars and I suddenly notice that the woman on my left has a rubber hand and is having trouble with this task. I move in to help. On my right, also needing help is a woman whose hands shake too much. I am not the only one. 

Dreams coming true

Back in my university days, I took a course in Apiculture; I have always loved bees and particularly their honey. I hoped that one day I would have the opportunity to keep bees. Years flew by and I inherited an acreage which used to be farmed, then I met a beekeeper who was interested in establishing some hives on my land. It turned out to be too far from his home-base so nothing came of that venture. But fast forward many more years and now that I have built a house on this beautiful property and am living here full time, I find out about a community project called “Adopt-a-Bee.” I join the group and offer my property for the bees’ home and voilà! My dream has come true! The bees have arrived and there are 6 hives humming at this very moment. I am one excited beekeeper!

photo by Mark Clarke

I have heard from my spiritual teachers (The Council channelled by Sara Landon at saralandon.com) that everything is being restored and that we get what we need even before we know that we need it. I had forgotten about my dream of keeping bees until this project came along and it all happened so easily, quickly, and effortlessly. The best part is that I am not alone to do the work which requires some physical exertion; I can leave that to the stronger able-bodied people in the group. But I can be a part of  this fun project and participate to the extent of my ability.

photo by Mark Clarke

It is interesting to me that the bee, this most social being, is bringing me back to community. For several years as I have been healing on this magical land, it has been a very solitary time. As I heal and get stronger, I find that Life brings to me the events that I need for my growth and happiness. At times I would sign up for something in the community that sparked interest but my body would not allow it….. my back would be too painful, I would get sick with a cold, or the event would be cancelled. So I would let go, come back to my “hive” and wait, trusting that the right thing would come at the right time. It does. Always. Even though I may not know that or even believe it sometimes.

If it is true that everything is being restored, then I have to believe that my health and well-being are being restored too. It seems to be going very slow and not in a nice upward curve as I would wish but when these little miracles happen, such as the beehives, my faith in Life is restored and grows each time. I have come to expect miracles and magic every day and most often, something delightful will occur. Staying open to delight and magic is sometimes the hard part when things don’t go the way I would wish but then, I remind myself to just say “thank you” for whatever is in that very moment. There is always something to be grateful for.

There are two phrases that are uppermost in my mind lately:

“Thank you” and

“I choose Love.”

They both invite my personality self to come back to the heart.

 

 

Thank you Bee for your presence. I look forward to learning all about you and receiving your teachings.